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Bollywood Lite
I went with Nurul to watch Bride & Prejudice, the Bollywoodized version of Jane Austen's masterpiece. It's still a great story when set in Amritsar (and London and Los Angeles), I must say. Who would've thought that the tangles between Wickham and Darcy and the Bennets could be so enduring! And in Bollywood style!

But OH... the SINGING...

and DANCING....

it was so....



I'm okay with the singing and dancing when they're all speaking Hindi, but singing like that in English is just... just... WEIRD!!! It was delightful and hilarious and strange and lovely all at once.

Aishwarya Rai is pretty, all right, but she's got a strange little face - her nose and mouth compressed into this tiny lower half with a teeny tiny little chin, and humungous Barbie-doll eyes, and a big head with her hair always poofy on top making her head look even bigger. But she's gorgeous. In an alien sort of way. But nowhere are pretty as Martin Henderson.

It's a fun movie, though. It's Bollywood in English, which may in fact make it more disturbing... I mean, instead of a bunch of villagers jumping out of the tall grass to dance and sing, we had a BLACK GOSPEL CHOIR materialize ON THE BEACH (while Aishwarya was singing about love) and... get ready... SURFERS jumped out of the sea and joined the chorus!! It was the most bizarre thing.

And Meghna Kothari's turn as the sister Maya (the Mary Bennet character) doing the "Cobra Dance" (the Bollywood version of Mary's embarrassing display of non-talent at singing and playing the piano) is absolutely priceless.

All in all, well worth the $6.50, though... and an afternoon of silliness with Nurul, my best crazy-pal.

Yay Bollywood! Now I can say that I have officially watched an Aishwarya Rai movie. She is, after all, the world's biggest movie star. We just don't know it because she hasn't done any English-language films (until now).

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I love Bollywood movies. Once I was flipping channels and came across this Bollywood version of Rambo or somesuch. So there he is, our dashing hero killing bad guys (who fall before he shoots at them) throwing grenades at bunkers and generally engaging in wanton destruction of other people's property.

Then suddenly for no reason whatsoever he bursts into song and a silly dance. The stage changes to that of a Vegas show. The bad guys, showgirls, our hero and his (I assume) love interest are all singing and dancing like there was no mayhem, death and destruction just a minute ago.

It was so surreal that I had to carefully examine the bag of chips I had on me for traces of cocaine.

I am Zolthar! Fear me!


Bollywood Movies = cheap hallucinogenic dwugs.

They really are. They're so unreal it's amazing.


p.s. Why are you Zolthar?

p.s. Why are you Zolthar?

Because Magenta 'Danger' Divine has gone AWOL and Zolthar! The Unbelievably Cheesy Villain from a 60s Saturday Morning Superhero Cartoon (or simply ZTUCV67SMSC) has arrived and is here to stay.

Zolthar still loves you all, don't worry.

I am Zolthar! Fear me!

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